This is from my 5 x 8 inch or so Hand•Book Watercolor Journal I was carrying in my purse at the time.
I was sitting in the eye doctor’s office for the umpteenth time, sketching people in line at the counter as I wanted for my appointment. (I am fascinated by winter coats and so it’s a good thing I live in Minnesota.)
Dick was siting next to me and I wrote him this note.
Sometimes, when the news is constantly bad, and you have done your due diligence and looked at all the avenues, it’s time to stop chasing something and just go on with things as they are.
This is the exact moment I realized this about my eyes. I was spending so much time in the doctor’s office, well I wasn’t getting much else done.
The Pandemic shut down helped solidify this epiphany. My new Zombie Eye came in after this visit, but my technician was off home schooling her kids and I didn’t want to risk hurting my eye further without the ability to go in at a moment’s notice for help.
Will we pick up where we left off when the Pandemic is over? Nope. I don’t think so. I will of course go in and have another go with the revised Zombie eye, but the urgency to get it working isn’t there.
I needed then, and need now, to be present every day in my actual life, working within the limitations that exist. This is always the way forward. It doesn’t mean you don’t stop investigating, it certainly doesn’t mean you don’t stop looking for work-arounds and fixes.
But it does mean that you transmogrify all that hope, some of it exposed as senseless through science and action, into something solid and tangible—the present moment.
I found once I did that I had more energy, and more fun.
Oddly I also found there was more hope to go around.
I think that is what happens when you let go of “what was.”
I think this is what happens when you face up to resistance in your life.