“I Call Date Night,” I Said…

November 6, 2013

41ewZSskyrLLeft: Dick found these cookies only moments after we entered Target. As of Oct. 29 they were still on sale for only $2.99. (Product image.)

We'd just stepped out of the car in the Target parking lot after an evening of other errands for Dick's folks. Without warning I picked up the pace and made a mad dash for the entrance.

R: I call "Date Night."

(I shouted over my shoulder toward Dick.)

D: I don't know that you can just do that, can you?

(He is frequently confused by the games I make up on the spur of the moment.)

He caught up with me and we got into an argument about some lame joke Andy Richter was assigned in a movie we'd both seen. (I love Andy, but his character misused a vocabulary word and Dick was making an allusion to that.) I lost patience with Dick and explained, "We'll run in, split up, reconnoiter, and see who comes up with the best stuff, all while getting everything on the folks' list."

Thing is we didn't split up, because Dick found this bag of Candy Corn Oreos immediately when I stopped for a cart and he passed a "check-out impulse buy station."

Demoralized momentarily, that Dick had found THE item of the evening (think about it, what could be more outrageous than Candy Corn Oreos?!), I pushed my cart listlessly down the aisles looking for the items on the folks' list. 

It should be noted that Dick is always sportsmanlike in all things. He didn't lord his impressive opening volley over me at all. He actually seemed stunned that he had won, and won so handily. (Note: Don't play croquet with Dick. He's sportsmanlike in that endeavour as well, but, well, let's just say he's ruthless.)

But the clock was still running. In my defense I have to say I didn't give up. I kept my eyes open. I looked about. I found a couple items that on ANY OTHER DAY would have won, but just weren't up to snuff when compared with a find like Candy Corn Oreos.

First I found a little travel squeeze bottle that was really a tube, but it had a suction cup on it so you could stick it to the shower wall. That wasn't the great thing about it. It had a diaphragm type opening that expelled puffs of air when you squeezed it. (AKA, a fart-top.) I immediately announced that it would be great for splatter painting backgrounds. And I threw it in my cart, allowing that it didn't beat Candy Corn Oreos, but for 99 cents I had to have it for painting.

Once our necessary purchases were in the cart I started to linger in the boys apparel department. There are some nifty t-shirts available now. (If you're as fashion forward as I am.) Sadly the shirts were all 50/50 cotton/poly blend. I don't like polyester. Imagine my joy when I reached the section of clothing devoted to young boys.

For reasons I don't understand the young boys' clothing was 100 percent cotton! (Everyone past puberty should wear 100 percent cotton, but before, eh, not so critical.) Since I've never been well-endowed I was able to snap up several striped t-shirts in larger young boy sizes for $7 a piece—they will work up well as "Sheldon-wear." 

We were off to electronics to finally look at a Roku (because I need to be streaming stuff, nuf said). While Dick read package information I found a lovely PINK USB-iPhone charger cord for the car. (In April while working on my 2013 Fake Journal I discovered that I actually am quite fond of pink.) When I returned from finding the charger cord, Dick was still deciding which way to go for streaming devices.

R: "I thought Bryan was just going to come over and take care of it? Why does one know young engineers if one doesn't make use of them in quasi-abusive ways?"

My tone held not a little disgruntlement that I wasn't already at home streaming stuff.

Dick explained that he had said he'd ask Bryan about how to best set things up.

But that meant I was still dependent on "Dick-Time," something universally recognized as outside the existing parameters of the space-time-continuum as we know it. In other words no amount of time or space, or the relationship between the two will impact a desired result such as a deadline or outcome, or fix an event anywhere in the space-time-continuum until Dick, who lives in the present moment, decides the moment has arrived. It's what I like to call the "Dick Factor." (This is what I get for falling in love with a classical mechanician.)

D: So Bryan told me the Roku was the way to go and how to set it up and I will.

R: No, no, no, [a beat] no, no, no. My understanding of our conversation was that you would ask Bryan how to connect to Netflix. Then we would purchase the necessary parts. Then Bryan would show up and install everything. And then we would take Bryan out to dinner. That's the universe in which I want to live.

We both laughed and Dick continued reading box tops while I went in search of…whatever would take my mind off not being able to go right home and start streaming. (Did I mention that I watch a lot of TV? I really like TV.)

And then I found IT.

Huckleberry SDCC 2013 Exclusive Batman Black Chara-Cover 01

Left: My find for the evening—that item which is quirky, probably shouldn't be purchased, unusual, perhaps nerdy, certainly tacky, and in the best of cases "OH SO ME." (The "ME" of course being whoever found it.) In other words the "Holy Grail" of "Date Night." (This image is from here.)


Which just goes to show you that you can, by feint, retreat, and diversion, lull your opponent into complacency (or bog him down with mundane tasks such as reading product labels) and emerge victorious. (All of which can of course be learned on Star Trek, the Original Series, if you bother to watch.)

Good sport that I am, I allowed Dick to call the result. He agreed that I had indeed won "Date Night," in the final minutes.

And we both agreed that had this case fit an iPhone 5 my OtterBox would be a thing of the past.

May you have equally eventful and entertaining "Date Nights."

Never give up!

Note: Because of my shoulder/arm injury I didn't bring my purse on this outing and so I didn't have my phone and its camera, or my stand alone camera. I did try to take photos with Dick's "not really very Smart-Smart phone" which he insists on using because after all it's all he needs and I can support that. But the photographic capabilities of that phone produced almost microscopic images, useless for this post. Hence the images contained here today. The first pulled from NABISCO, the second, from the link provided in its caption.

Update: We didn't buy a Roku that night, but on another evening we did…and that's a story for another post. Short version: Simple to install and I love it.

    • Miss T
    • November 6, 2013

    You have a pink iPhone charger cable?? Color me jealous.

  1. Reply

    Yes Miss T, and a very vibrant and saturated Pink I might add. You need one for your car!

  2. Reply

    Margo, I am having fun with the Roku, but it really is a whole other story that will go into another post. (I actually don’t like it for sketching because it doesn’t have the finesse of where to stop and rewind that the DVR does. You have to go in page increments and rewatch so much, but I’ll adapt.)

    Please note we didn’t buy any of the candy corn oreos so you will taste them at your peril! But please write in and let me know. Thank you in advance for being a taster!

    • Tina
    • November 6, 2013

    I am laughing my a** off, Roz! You mean you didn’t actually buy and eat the candy corn Oreos??

    – Tina

    • karen
    • November 6, 2013

    Very funny!! And no one can really comprehend your warning about Dick and Croquet until they have played with him.

  3. Reply

    Thank you Karen, and yes, you have lived through Croquet with Dick so you KNOW! It’s almost like he’s a different person.

  4. Reply

    Tina, my body is a temple, I only put Haagen Dazs in it! (Truth be told, I’ve never been that fond of candy corn.) If we had purchased them I’m sure I would have just smelled them. That gives me all the information I typically need. Glad you got a laugh.

  5. Reply

    Okay, I haven’t read all your posts, but this must be one of the most entertaining ones ever! Love it. And of course congrats on the win. 🙂

  6. Reply

    Thank you Caatje. I’m glad you enjoyed this. It isn’t all work here. We do get out to play and I like to share that too. And I feel quite happy about this win!


    • Linda
    • November 13, 2013

    Roz, I Live alone and if anybody came up to my door they would here this loony laughing loudly and talking to herself:) This talking to myself does not have any reflection on my age:)Great story love the date night. Can not wait for more stories. is the roku hard to set up?

    • Ricë
    • November 15, 2013

    Playing croquet with Dick.

    That’s all I needed. Thank you very much.

  7. Reply

    Ricë, OK that one didn’t even register with me. I thought I’d have you shooting soy milk through your nose with time-space continuum Dick TIme.

    You continue to surprise me! And I will keep trying to entertain you. (Because it’s fun.)

  8. Reply

    Linda, I spend my whole day working by myself and I talk to myself all the time. I have all my life, even as a child. Of course there was a 20 year period in there where everyone sort of assumed I was talking to the dogs, but they knew better.


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